Hello Friends

I have not journaled here in quite some time and I figure you might want an update.

Here’s what’s going on with my life.

Goodbye Witchipedia

As I have mentioned on the Patreon, I have sold and cut ties with the Witchipedia. Do I feel guilty for this? Yes. But I also felt guilty for ignoring it. You see, the scope of the Witchipedia has long since exceeded my interest and I only have so much time available. Every time I sat down to work on it, I had to wade through about 50 spam messages and a dozen hate mails to get to a legitimate question or comment and half the time those were beyond the scope of my interest or experience. I am not Wiccan, nor am I an expert on Polytheistic religions (as I have always made abundantly clear), and yet the majority of the questions were specific to Wicca and Gods. Of the remainder, most were already addressed on the site and most of the people writing to me to tell me I was wrong clearly hadn’t read past the introductory paragraph of the article I had written. I stopped responding to those…

People clearly want and need videos. I tried that. Equipment is expensive and editing takes forever. By the time I got through all of this, it was time to make dinner, do farm chores, or go to my “day job” and nothing new had been written. And I didn’t have time to work on my other writing projects either. The Witchipedia was basically a dark cloud hanging over my head if I’m honest. And this dragged on for years. When I started getting sick, I had no choice but to abandon it and ignore the Facebook groups, etc. Luckily I had some volunteer admins on the other socials but they eventually went their ways too, citing many of the same issues I was experiencing.

Magickal Spot came with an offer to take it over, telling me about the staff of writers and admins they had to deal with all that nonsense, it was such a relief. They were willing to let me stay on as a writer and even earn a wage and I was tempted and excited about that, but the truth is, I am still quite sick. So, as much as I still want to maintain some control of what basically amounts to my life’s work, I do have to let it go. Am I sad? Yes. Are they doing things the way I would prefer? No. But you know, things happen and the truth is, Witchipedia was never going survive with only one writer/editor/admin working for donations. (Though I do want to express my undying gratitude to all of the people who volunteered their time to help out over the years and my Patrons and people who provided individual donations. Those all helped immensely and without them, the Witchipedia would have simply evaporated years ago. )

And finally, I needed the money. I am not well and I have lots of medical debt on top of the fact that I am no longer as productive as I am when I am well.

Now About My Health

Now I don’t like talking about my health. It’s always been a bit of a source of trauma for me. I have spent much of my life being called lazy and unreliable by family members and exes and I always feel uncomfortable listening to other people talk about their health problems. There have been times in my life when I actually felt jealous listening to people talk about the tests and treatments they are getting because those things were beyond my means as I didn’t have any insurance. It almost felt like listening to people brag about their new fancy car when you have to walk 2 miles to work every day. What’s the point of getting a diagnosis if you can’t afford the treatment? And of course, jealousy is not a feeling I think anyone should cultivate so I end up in a battle with myself over it.

I’ve always had some health issues. I have an inner ear disorder and a hiatal hernia and while those things can be managed with diet and lifestyle, really only surgery can “fix” them, and I got along fine. Just, you know, diet and sleep and such. I also experience several migraine days a month, and nothing ever seemed to budge them. Those were hard. My migraines last multiple days reliably and basically keep me in bed the whole time. They started getting worse, more common, and more severe as I entered middle age.

And let’s not even talk about the entire year of postpartum psychosis I endured after my youngest child was born. And that was only diagnosed retroactively. I got through it by seeing a student therapist at a nearby college. She had NO CLUE what was going on with me, but it was nice to have an hour away from the baby to talk about stuff.

A few years ago I started hurting all over and waking up exhausted. It was gradual and it was a while before I couldn’t even keep my house clean. Soon I wasn’t even showering and I was wearing the same clothes for days on end because taking them off hurt my muscles and my skin. I was so cold I walked around with layers upon layers, legwarmers, and a scarf on top of that, and a blanket over all. I woke up achy and exhausted and couldn’t stay awake for more than three hours at a time. Then I’d sleep for four or five. If I do anything the least bit strenuous, like carry a full laundry basket up the stairs, I need to sit down and pant for a bit before I can do my next thing. My lungs burn, my muscles burn, and I gasp for air as if I’ve been running

The COVID shutdown was a relief. No longer expected to leave the house, I didn’t. For months. Thanks to COVID, I can now order my groceries from a phone app instead of possibly falling asleep driving and gasping my way through the grocery store.

Now mind you, I have not had health insurance since shortly after my youngest son’s birth. He was covered because minors can get Medicaid much more easily, provided I jump through lots of hoops and keep very good records of my income (including website donations). I did go to a doctor and get diagnosed with fibromyalgia and a bunch of advice but I was told there was no real treatment. So I followed the advice (more lifestyle stuff).

Last winter, my husband got a new job that came with health insurance (yay).

So I got myself a new primary care doctor. That took THREE MONTHS. And these anti-socialized medicine people keep talking about the wait times that are going to happen if everyone gets to go…. anyway.

She has a PILL for fibromyalgia. Didn’t really work and made me even more tired and now I’m weaning off of it. The sleep doctor says I must. But at least she tried. And the lovely side effect is that it addressed my panic attacks. I hope that they don’t come back BUT…

And she’s been treating my migraines. The migraine pill is good for panic attacks so hopefully, the loss of the fibromyalgia pill won’t make a difference there. I have a daily and an acute. The daily pill seems to have eliminated most of what I think of as my “random” migraines and the acute pill handles my “monthly” migraines which are hormone related. It also lowers blood pressure, which has been through the roof though my blood pressure has historically been low. Since both anemia and chronic pain can raise blood pressure, we’re pretty sure one or both of those is the real issue.

I’ve been having my blood tested monthly since. It’s wonky every month. I am severely anemic and nobody seems to know why. Sometimes my white blood cells are low. Nobody knows why. Sometimes my thyroid is wonky, sometimes it’s fine. But it’s never wonky in a way that suggests thyroid disease and it hasn’t been wonky since last summer so. Meh.

I have been to the sleep specialist – you have to do stuff to make sure you don’t have sleep apnea before they let them do the tests for the stuff they actually think you have, so my real test is next month.

I have been to the cardiologist – My heart is actually in great shape. That is good to know.

Next week I am going to get a colonoscopy. Woo. Apparently, I should have done that a long time ago.  That reminds me. I have to call the mammogram people back and schedule that too because I am far behind on all my medical stuff.

And next month I’m going to see a dysmenorrhea specialist. Because all that is pretty wonky too and who knows, it might be the culprit and we’re also going to talk about my monthly migraines. I have already been told that they will not just trigger menopause and be done with it. I know they have the means, but they won’t.

Yes, I take iron pills, and vitamin C and eat lots of leafy greens, dried fruit and nuts, beans, and organ meats. I actually love that stuff and would eat it anyway. And dandelion and nettle tea is my go-to hot drink. So wtf body. What more do you want?

I have also been intermittent fasting (it actually makes a huge difference, you wouldn’t think so, but it does), meditation, yoga, slow easy walks- mostly to the bus stop.

So I started the doctor journey last January and I am still waiting for some of the tests/specialist visits.

Back to Kitchen Witchery

Kitchen Witchery and magickal homesteading is my niche. It hasn’t always been. I only moved here 10 years ago. But it is where I want to be. I want to focus my energy on learning about growing things, soil, weather, nature and food. I want to write about those things; not all the things. There is a lot of magic there. Just bounce around on this site and you’ll find spells and correspondences and lore galore.

I will continue to journal here.

Not about my health but about those sacred things happening on the land I have the privilege to inhabit.

Now I have to rest. I am tired.

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