Long ago, the contract of marriage consisted of a clasping of hands and a public agreement by the couple to live together as husband and wife. This was followed, of course, by much feasting and merrymaking. It is this clasping of hands that has given name to the term ‘hand fasting’,. This act could be officiated by a member of the clergy, a prominent member of the community, by the head of the family or by the couple themselves before a gathering of their family and friends depending on the law of the land in which they lived.
As hand fasting referred to the contractual agreement rather than the relationship itself, it could take on many forms. The couple could promise to stay together forever, thus binding themselves into a permanent marriage or they could promise to marry in the future, a betrothal, or they could agree to a trial marriage for a certain amount of time. The most common time period for these trial marriages among modern Pagans seems to be a year and a day. This is a very popular measure of time in much of old Celtic folklore, which may account for its popularity, though there is no indication that this period of time was traditional for trial marriages.
Handfasting- A Pagan Wedding?
In modern times, hand fasting is a common term applied to any Pagan wedding regardless of its form. A Pagan hand fasting may or may not involve the binding of hands with cords, a practice which evolved from the original clasping of hands. Some use hand fasting in place of a traditional wedding, complete with a state marriage license, while others will forgo the legalities altogether. Still others will have a hand fasting to mark the beginning of their trial marriage or betrothal and a more ‘American’ style wedding after the trial period has expired.
For legal weddings, a marriage license must be obtained and the ceremony must be officiated by an ordained clergy-member or a justice of the peace or judge. Be sure to check with your state office to make sure you know the laws for your state. For betrothals, trial marriages, and spiritual unions (those before the Gods, but not before the State) anyone may officiate, or the couple may choose to perform the ceremony themselves.
Because of its flexibility, hand fasting is a popular choice for polygamists and same-sex couples. However, these unions are currently not protected by lawn in most places. If you are in a relationship of this nature, please know your rights and do everything you can to protect yourself and your partner(s). Write a will, a living will and a power of attorney statement. You can find out more about these things at [http://www.gayweddings.com/legalities.html]
Trial Marriages
Any ceremony can be easily adapted for a trial marriage ceremony. The wording will just need to be changed and the invitations printed accordingly. Trial marriage ceremonies are usually much smaller than the real thing, this is probably best. You’ll want to establish how long the trial is for right off the bat. A year and a day is popular, but three years is probably a better option. Don’t starti planning for the real thing until after the trial has expired. Otherwise you may end up changing your mind and be stuck under reservations and unable to escape. Once those invitations go out, turning back isn’t so easy.
The Wedding Feast
Sometimes couples wish to forgo the formal ritual and just have a party. This is especially true in the case of betrothals and trial marriages. At the wedding feast, the couple may stand up at the head table and speak their vows and be done with it. You may add other ritual elements to the feast, such as family blessings, cakes and wine or others as appeals to you.
“Traditional” Ceremonies
Some couples prefer to keep their weddings as close to American tradition as possible so as not to offend their Christian relations. If you follow the traditional Christian flow of a wedding, and change the wording a bit, this can work out quite well. You may wish to have your wedding outside or in a home or a hall rather than in a church. Sometimes though, we must marry in a church to please our relations. This too can often be managed with a few simple wording changes that won’t offend the officiate.
Circles
Small to medium sized ceremonies can be performed within the Circle of your own tradition. In these cases, the entire group would process in first, singing and appropriate song, followed by the wedding party who would then move to the center, or perhaps make an inner circle. These ceremonies can be very intimate and touching.
Private Ceremonies
I have been approached by a number of young girls seeking hand fasting rites to be performed in private, with no witnesses. While this can be done, of course, it sort of defeats the whole purpose of handfasting which is to declare your intention and seal the contractual agreement before witnesses. I would be suspicious of the young men (and the young women) who suggest these things. I would be suspicious of anyone who wished to extract a vow from another and was unwilling to do it in public. If you must, many of the ceremonies you find on this site can be easily adapted for a private rite.
More
- Offering Of Hands
- Online Wedding Resources
- Pagan Wedding Chants
- Planning a Pagan Wedding
- Rose Ceremony
- Wreath Rite
